Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
