Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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