So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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