Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
