I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
