I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize