I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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