my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I deserve this hangover.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
