Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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