what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
