Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I still have a little drunk in my system
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
