WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
