Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
