You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
