I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
