dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
