Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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