guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
