Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
