I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
