I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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