lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
