Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My vagina is officially offended.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
