just tell him i said nine months
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
