So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
