would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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