a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
