Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
