There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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