Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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