ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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