as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
