First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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