She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
