If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
