i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
