I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
