found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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