Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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