When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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