I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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