Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
