Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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