Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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