Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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