i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
