I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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