There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
