rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
