We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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