The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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