Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize