I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
