what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
