You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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