My nipple is on Facebook.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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