and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
