her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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