If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
