I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
