My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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