i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
