If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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