What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
