i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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