They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
