his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
