kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
