So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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