she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize