i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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