I think im going to throw up on grandma
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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