you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
