Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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