everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
