names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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