i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
