Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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