my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
