Do you still have your period?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
