i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
