I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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