at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
