Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
