addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
